A Sweet Incident

For this week's P5 and P6 composition, we'll be posting a story based on a PSLE question.

A SWEET INCIDENT

As I took out my money from my wallet to pay the cashier after shopping in Cold Storage for an hour, events of that fateful day came flooding back into my mind…

It was an afternoon after school.

Rachel and I were at Plaza Singapura buying food for our class barbeque party the next day. Enjoying the cool respite provided by the cool air-conditioning, we casually strolled around, looking for an affordable ice cream we could buy to satisfy our sweet tooth. Finally, we found one – “Ice-Cream” – and soon my bosom buddy and I were licking our cones hungrily, for it was a sweltering day outside, and we had not had our lunch.

It was difficult to balance the heavy cone, eat, talk and walk at the same time, so we paused to eat our ice-cream next to the railing on the first floor, where we could enjoy a panoramic view of the ground floor. We rested our elbows on the sleek chrome railing and tried to spot a supermarket.

“Hey, Rachel, I think I can see the Fairprice supermarket over there, behind the handbags shop!” I gestured excitedly in said direction. That was when my ice-cream slipped from the cone…

SPLAT!

As luck would have it, it landed squarely on a man’s head. The hapless man, who was rummaging in his bag for something earlier on, let out a startled cry as I let out an involuntary shout of dismay. It was quite a comical sight, watching the smartly-dressed young man wipe the ice-cream off his neatly-cut hair, his expression a mixture of bewilderment and incredulity.

“Is it raining ice-cream?” he exclaimed.

Rachel, too, gasped in horror as she saw my blueberry cheesecake ice-cream dribble down the man’s face. I could not decide whether to laugh or to cry, as I looked at the man whose eyes were wide as saucers, his mouth opening and closing like a goldfish.

The honourable thing to do was to face the music, so I rushed down the stairs and muttered to the flabbergasted gentleman, “I am extremely sorry, Sir. I didn’t mean to cause that ice-cream to fall on you!” Immediately, I took out my packet of tissue paper and offered it to him. My heart was pounding against my ribcage and I could feel my face and ears burning as I waited for his response.

To my relief, the young man’s face softened upon seeing my wretched state.

“It’s alright. I know you did not do it on purpose. But, tell me, how on earth did you manage to drop it so exactly, in the middle, on my head?” he asked.

Rachel and I relaxed when we caught the twinkle in his eye. We explained the whole story to him. Halfway through our recount, we could not stop ourselves from bursting into peals of laughter as we saw purplish droplets trickling down his face. Sensing and seeing the source of our amusement, he grinned at us, before taking off to clean himself properly, while Rachel and I decided to go and complete our shopping assignment.

Grateful to have got off so lightly, I resolved to be more careful of my actions in the future, and thanked God that the man was a good sport.

“Erm? Miss? Excuse me…it’s your turn,” a voice jolted me back to the present. It was the cashier. After I paid and walked out of Cold Storage, holding my groceries, I walked past a group of teenagers licking their ice-cream. It was then that I smiled to myself. What an experience that had been!

Tan Wen Xin (P6)

Northland Primary School

What I like about this story:

1. The great use of language. Wen Xin hardly used any bombastic words in this story but she certainly used many apt phrases and words - literal and figurative - all used to give the right effect.

2. Wen Xin is not afraid of short paragraphs or sentences. Many students have the mistaken idea that long sentences and paragraphs are good. That is so not true. Good writing consists of a mixture of long and short sentences. In fact, upon careful reading, you would see that Wen Xin has 4 one-line paragraphs in this story. One paragraph actually only has one word!

What purpose does a one-word paragraph serve? It creates impact. The word 'SPLAT!' creates the climax of the story, the turning point of the story.

3. Wen Xin also ended her story deftly by coming back to the present and encountering a group of teenagers having ice cream, bringing the story to a circular close. A sweet and satisfatory conclusion.