A Composition A Week - A Remarkable Rat

It has been some time since I posted good stories by pupils. With the examinations coming up and to make up for my tardiness, I'll be posting more such stories in the coming couple of weeks. I know, then the posts should not be entitled A Composition A Week, but never mind. :)

The constraints of Continuous Writing in the PSLE are rather limiting. The pupils are not encouraged to write about the supernatural, aliens or fantasy (which includes a range of characters from witches to elves to talking animals). In fact, some teachers have warned pupils that they would fail if they write about such topics in the examination.

Wow, think about that. It means that works like the Harry Potter series, the Lord of the Ring trilogy and the Narnia series, all considered classics in their own right, would have failed in the PSLE.

You three would not have passed muster
in Singapore's PSLE!

That said, rules and regulation are rules and regulations so we teachers and tutors dutifully exhort our charges not to write about the abovementioned topics in all the-important PSLE, not even for the less important but still important school examinations.

But you know what? Children like such stories. They are so whimsical and amazing that children find them interesting and it is easy for them to immerse themselves in the worlds of such stories. And when given such topics to write about, the more natural writers simply get fired up and when they may be sometimes stuck for words, now they find a torrent pouring out.

Hence at times, to spark the pupils' interest, and to give them free rein to truly explore their creativity, in our classes, the tutors turn a blind eye and let the pupils write about these forbidden topics 'just this once'.

We have below an excellent example of such a story. Read and enjoy. We will share with you our analysis and why we think it is a great piece of work.

The assignment given was the beginning of the story below and the writer has to continue the story:

One night, after a movie, you were going home. When you reached your home, you saw something strange outside your neighbour’s house.

This was what the writer came up with:


[Warning: The story is more than 1000 words long.]

A REMARKABLE RAT

Dark rain clouds covered the night sky as I reluctantly slung my bag over my shoulder and headed home. I had just finished watching a movie with my best friend at the cinema and I was trudging home, a wave of guilt flooding over me. I knew it was wrong not to revise for the test for the next day but if I did not agree to go out with my friend, she might just think that I was not keen to be her friend and our friendship would just fade away. All because of the new girl, Cindy. Cindy wore black-rimmed spectacles and she always topped the class – except for English. My best friend, Hilary, had taken a liking to her and now she stuck to Cindy most of the time because Cindy was intelligent. The next day would be our English test. A really difficult one, the teacher had said in class. I groaned. I guess I had to burn the midnight oil this time because if I did badly again, Hilary might decide she did not want to be my friend anymore.

Glumly turning a corner, I was shocked to espy a livid-looking man, my neighbour Mr Tan, about to strike a helpless rat with the handle of a broom. The rat cowered below him, shaking with fear. As I approach it, the rat turned its head to stare right at me. To my astonishment, I heard it speak, ‘Please, rescue me! I promise I will be your loyal friend forever!’

Upon hearing this, I became rooted to the spot. How could a rat speak? Surely it was impossible!

Mr Tan raised the broom and muttered angrily, causing the rat to squeal in terror. Ignoring the questions that were whirling round my head, I made a quick decision. I leapt forward, scooped the rat up in both my hands and ran home as fast as I could, home being just a few houses away. Mr Tan ran after us, brandishing his broom and hollering at me. ‘Stop, Wen Xin! Let me kill that nasty rat old rat! What a disgusting rodent it is!’ Mr Tan yelled mercilessly, since he had no liking for animals, no matter how cute they were.

Once I was safely home, I took a moment to catch my breath. After we had both recovered from the distressing ordeal, I questioned the rat about its ability to speak. To my amazement, it explained that it was actually a brilliant scientist. A freak accident in the laboratory had turned him (the scientist) into a rat, and it had been struggling to evade capture by rat-hating humans ever since. ‘If it had not been for you, I would have been killed. How can I ever repay you?’ it asked.

Suddenly, I remembered the test the next day. I told the rat about the test and politely requested its help. The rat beamed and quickly agreed.

During the test the next day, the rat hid in my pencil case and whispered the answers to me. I finished the paper at top speed, checked it through and handed it to my teacher. As I left the room, I hoped that the rat was as intelligent as it had seemed.

Over the next few days, as I nervously awaited my examination results, the rat and I got to know each other and we were soon great friends. He insisted on accompanying me when I collected my grades. This test was taken by the whole level and I hoped to be somewhere near the top as the rat had helped me during the test.

Then, one day in class, the teacher said, ‘I am here to give out the test papers. There is a perfect score this time round!’ She beamed at us. Then, Cindy’s name was cheered loudly. Cindy leaned back in her seat, looking pleased and arrogant, and smiling, she brushed away everybody’s praises. One of my classmates shouted, ‘Good job, Cindy!’ Hilary also went over to her seat to give her a pat on her back. That was when the teacher got a little impatient. She rapped the table smartly and raised her voice, ‘Now, class, please go back to your seats. Maybe it is not Cindy after all,’ she said. The class gave her a puzzled look when she said her second sentence. Then she went on talking after the class finally settled down. The rat was in my unzipped bag and I could feel it moving about. I hoped it had not started to nibble my worksheets or tear my bag. But at that moment, I was too anxious and nervous about my results to care about that.

‘The top scorer of the class and the level goes to a person who has made tremendous improvement. And that person is Tan Wen Xin!’ The teacher smiled as she held out my test paper to me. Perfect score! Full score! I was too happy for words. I did not know what to say. The first person I looked at was Cindy. Her face was filled with shock and anger. Then, I looked at Hilary. She was shocked too, but I could see her smiling and when she saw me looking at her, she gave me a thumbs-up. That was when the whole class erupted into cheers and I was basking in the glory. I was delighted and I could not help feeling happy to see Cindy being ‘abandoned’ as she had caused me to be lonely for such a long period of time. Hilary also apologised for leaving me out of most things. During recess, I secretly showed the rat my results. Looking triumphantly at me, the rat gave me a congratulatory high-five and clapped its tiny paws together with glee.

At home, I showed my parents my results and they were elated. However, I began to feel a little remorseful. I knew that cheating in the test had been wrong. When I turned to look at the rat, the look on its face showed that it felt the same. After a few minutes’ thought, the rat announced that it had a plan. It would tutor me, so that I would never need to consider cheating again. It was true to its word, and its vast knowledge had since greatly improved my schoolwork.

In return, I kept it safe and well-fed, and borrowed scientific books from the library for it to study.

We were both delighted to be in each other’s company most of the time. How lucky I was! If I had not saved it from Mr Tan the other day, it would have died and I would certainly lose Hilary to Cindy.

The rat hopes to find a way to turn itself back into a human, but, until then, we make an excellent team.

Tan Wen Xin (P6)

Northland Primary School

Analysis

There are a couple of weaknesses in the story. One large unexplained loophole is why Mr Tan did not seem to hear the rat speak. It would have been better if the writer could have addressed that issue.

Another area that could have been better explained would be why the narrator was so keen to be Hilary's friend when Hilary did not seem to be a very loyal girl.

But these are minor quibbles compared to the strengths of the story.

First and foremost, the plot is interesting. The moment the rat opened its mouth and spoke, the reader would be reeled in, wondering what was happening, why the rat could speak and what was going to happen next. All these points were satisfactorily explained in the development of the story.

I also like the relationships in the story. The friendship between the narrator and the rat, her rivalry with Cindy, the classmates' reactions, and yes, even the friendship between the narrator and Hilary. From the story, it would seem that Hilary was not a very nice person, using academic results to choose her friends. But anyone who had been young would recognise an element of realism in the situation. There are people like that just as there are people like the narrator who are so desperate to be their friend and just cannot see their faults, glaring as they might be.

And that comes to the biggest reason why I like the story. It contains 'truth' in it. All the high literature creators - Shakespeare, Hemingway, Marquez, Aesop - their works are so celebrated because they contain truth.

How to embed 'truth' in stories is one of the hardest things to teach in creative writing. I can teach the pupils how to begin the story in a snazzy fashion, how to end it with impact, which vocabulary to use, but I have yet to find a method to teach how to write 'truth'.

This is because of a couple of reason. Firstly, 'truth' has to come from within the pupil himself. Thus pupils who can write stories with 'truth' are either mature ones or sensitive and observant ones. Secondly, 'truth' is different for everyone. What is 'truth' to one person may not appear as 'truth' to another. What touches one reader may have no impact on another. This is also the beauty of the arts. There are literally uncountable 'truths' out there but it is up to the individual to find them and learn from them.


What we have done so far is to show them examples of some stories that contain 'truth'. Some are sample stories we use in the classes and some are stories that have been written by the pupils.

[If any parent were to ask, 'Does it hurt if my child can't produce 'truth' in his story in the PSLE?' Not exactly. It is possible for a well-written story without 'truth' to score in the thirties, a lot of it being really dependent on the markers. But there are stories that score full marks in the PSLE. Yes, 40 out of 40. And I think if you were to ask the marker why a perfect score was awarded, a lot of times, the answer would be along the gist of :  'Because the story touched my heart.' That is the value of 'truth' in a story.]

This is also probably why one of the PSLE criteria is that no mumbo-jumbo or airy-fairy stuff should be included in Continuous Writing. Be getting the pupils to write what they are familiar with, the authorities think that it would be easier for the pupils to generate 'truth' but as Wen Xin has illustrated in her talking rat story, a story can have out-of-the-world characters or situations but still contain 'truth'. Bravo, Wen Xin!

To top it off, she even included a moral in the story. So she hands her narrator a triumph - topping the level and beating Cindy - but the narrator came to realise it was wrong and turn over a new leaf. How cool is that!

All in all, I think this is a gem of a story and I hope that you have enjoyed it as much as I have.