More About 'Show, Not Tell'

Pupils have always been told to show, and not tell, when they write a story.


The simple reason behind this is when the writer 'shows' the story instead of 'telling' the story, he makes the story more interesting.


The more complex reason is that for a person to read and engage with the story, he must form mental pictures of the story in his head. It is akin to watching a movie in his head. And it is easier for the reader to view the movie when the writer 'shows' the story.


Below, I have two examples from my students and we see how one example is more successful because it 'shows' more than the other.


Both examples deal with the sample subject matter: The narrator was trapped in a fire that had broken out in his home. The narrator had retreated to the toilet and was contemplating jumping out of the window in the toilet because he lived on a low level and he thought he might be able to escape with minor injuries if he jumped.

Example A

I knew that we would have to get out one way or another or our faces would be on the front page of the newspapers. When I looked down again, the firemen were already prepared.

The only way was to jump. Aiming for the safety net, I pushed James through the window. Hearing shouts of joy, I knew he had made it. Then it was my turn. But my fear of heights was overwhelming me.

Example B

Suddenly an idea struck me. Why not jump down from where I was? I was staying on the third floor only, anyway. I stood on the toilet bowl and managed to pry open the window. For a moment, I thought Lady Luck was smiling on me. But when I peered down, I realised I was scared of heights. My legs immediately turned to jelly and I clambered down to the floor.

Which do you think is the example that 'shows'? If you choose Example B, you're right.

In Example A, the narrator speaks of his fear with the sentence 'But my fear of heights was overwhelming me.' and left it at that. The reader could not visualise how frightened he was.

In Example B, the narrator also speaks of her fear: '...I realised I was scared of heights' but she goes on to elaborate how frightened she was with the next sentence.

Key takeaway point?

Avoid sentences that only 'tell' the emotions:

• He was scared.
• Joy swept through her.
• Anger overwhelmed him.

If you have to use such sentences, add more information to show how such emotions affect the characters' visibly.

• He was scared. All the blood drained out of his face, leaving it as white as a piece of paper.
• Joy swept through her. She broke out into a tinkling laughter and her eyes sparkled with pleasure.
• Anger overwhelmed him. He clenched his fists and held his arms tightly to his sides, like he was using all his self-control to stop himself from lashing out.

You don't have to add a lot more information. Just one sentence to show perhaps how the character's facial colour or expression changed or how his body otherwise betrayed his emotions.

Don't get discouraged if you find it hard going at first. Writing is like all other skills. You need constant practice to get better at it. The bright side of it is as long as you persevere, you could and would become a good writer.